No Post? Eh. Ok.

There will be no post this week. I have finals next week and am crunched for time. I hate disappointing everyone, so I’ve compiled a list of things to do while not reading my blog.

1. Learn to ride a velociraptor.

It’s an extensive list, I’ll admit, but I’m eager to hear about everyone’s experiences.

Sincerely,
Get the hint already.

P.S. One of the recommended tags for this post is “Hate Crimes”. Apparently this post has racist subtext. Please do not commit any hate crimes. Only commit love crimes. Thank you.

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Unhealthy

Sorry everyone, I’m not feeling so good tonight, so I think I’m going to have to sleep instead of writing a post. Sincerest apologies, especially since I skipped last week as well. Hopefully there will be a post by the end of the week.

Sincerely.

Apologies and a Warning

Greetings avid readers! I just so happen to be in Florida this week, which while awesome, means I will not be posting at my usual time. I may post later this week but this is your warning, you will be shocked and offended, and hate me forever.
Sincerely,
A most beatiful rain

The World Is Irony

Well it should be. So, in an effort to make it so, I have decided to embark upon a new mission, to make the perfectly ironic world. Or at least add to the overall irony. Don’t worry readers, this isn’t my official post for the week, and unlike my usual style I will try not to unnecessarily belabor the point (HA! That’s unlikely.) All blatant lying aside I believe that irony is a just cause. It just tickles my brain in a way I find most pleasing (If that doesn’t sound creepy there’s something wrong with you.) Now to unveil the first phase of my plan.

I want #stophashtags to trend on twitter.

Wouldn’t the irony be gorgeous? My heart races at the thought. Now, I don’t have any agenda against hashtags, I’m only in this for the irony. Unfortunately I do not yet have the fame or readership to accomplish this simple task on my own. No, if this goal is to be realized it will require the activism of you, my readers, to spread the word to your own followers. I know you can do it, you do read my blog after all, which by definition makes you a higher class than the plebs writhing in the mud.

Do it for the kids. The ones in Africa. The orphans. They care about this.

If this works we can then move on to accomplish even greater feats of irony, feats that will change the face of the planet. You are witnessing great things my people, great things indeed.

Sincerely,

Ironyphile

MMM delicious.

Welcome back to late night I’m-not-doing-my-assignments-because-I’m blogging-blogging! That’s right, shit just got real. Have you ever been in one of those moods where you just feel super AWESOME and everything you type you read in your AWESOME VOICE? (yeah, you know that voice.) Well that’s where I am right now. And I’ve been text shouting phrases such as YOU COULDN’T SERVE ME WITH A SERVING SPOON in complete seriousness. Apparently, I always win. I guess I’m just a winner by nature. Winning, it’s not something you do, it’s something you ARE. So welcome to a post that is sure to be completely random and full of AWESOME WIN. (and boy is win delicious. It’s like cheesecake mixed with sunlight IN SPACE)

HUMILITY PIE IS DISGUSTING AND TASTES LIKE FEET

WHEN I SEE THINGS THEY BECOME INTRINSICALLY BETTER

Some people get high on life, I HAVE SEX WITH IT

MAGIC COMES OUT OF MY PORES

The above is only a snippet of the things I have been saying tonight. It’s ridiculous. Maybe I will post more later, but the feeling seems to be passing. I REFUSE TO APOLOGIZE.

Well, before I end this post I would like to share with everyone a new hobby of mine, which is to give extremely lengthy and ridiculous arguments against anyone I find acting obnoxiously on Facebook. I’m kind of a vigilante like that. Or maybe I just do it for fun. Whatever. Anyway, here is a recent snippet:

My Friend’s Status: I would like to formally congratulate Richard T. Wright as I present his work “Biology Through the Eyes of Faith” with the award “Most Boring Book Ever Written.”

I would also like to extend my condolences to the authors of “The Integration of Psychology and Theology,” John Carter and Bruce Narramore, who were so close to winning, yet had the sense to at least condense some of it.

Silly Comment: show me your pink undies!!!

Offending Comment: Please,  provide the antecedent of that pronoun and the context in which it was used.

You might want to be more careful about posting [superficially inappropo] comments like these, Mr. Silly Guy, that don’t immediately relate to peoples’ statuses, both on a moral level and as a matter of consideration.

My Response (be ready): Personally, I felt that the pink undies comment was a brilliant contrast to the overly immaculate writing of the books in the status and served to set off the boredom level of those works in such a way that they could be seen as highly inferior. In essence what his comment accomplished was astounding in it’s simplicity. For with a short, basic sentence and minimum content he was able to craft a scenario that is infinitely more intriguing and engaging than the precise texts referenced in the status. To elaborate would be to give too much away and take away from the reader’s ability to imagine the surrounding context, and would serve as an inferior contrast. In summary, the comment was neither unrelated nor is it inherently inappropriate. To deem it inappropriate is a reflection on the reader, who is adding additional meaning, rather than an intent on the part of the rider. “Pink Undies” is not inappropriate. Undies are clothing, thus not inappropriate, especially because they are not stated to be of a sexual nature, and it would be ridiculous to claim that all underwear is sexual. It is not. The writer did not even specify if the underwear was being worn or not. Therefore, there is nothing even remotely inappropriate about that comment, the only inappropriateness is inferred on the part of the reader, and is a reflection of his own mindset. I would also like to pose the question, Mr. Offender, why Mr. Silly Guy’s comment must be immediately related to the status, but your’s is exempt? Furthermore, I have already established that. Mr. Bower’s status was directly related to the status, yet your’s was not. The fact that it is a reprimand does not make it more allowable to be posted on this status, in fact, the opposite is true. If you sincerely wanted to reprimand Mr. Silly Pants so that he would not make the same mistake you would have sent him a private message. Instead you made the decision to post publicly. This only serves to unnecessarily shame Mr. Silly Dilly and to establish yourself as “a voice of reason”, which is rather self-serving, would you not agree? I then suggest that you have done something that is in fact morally wrong Mr. Jerk Face. I can only justify my own comment by stating that because Mr. Goofball was unwittingly forced to endure a public reprimand, he deserves a public defense.

Next Comment: ^^^ TROLL…

I realize that I’m probably even more obnoxious than the offender. But I don’t care. Because this is AWESOME.

Sincerely,

An Internet Super-Hero