From the Diary of: The Other Guy

The untold story of every romantic comedy.

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03/27/10 – I saw this girl today, and man she was beautiful! Could have been the prettiest girl I have ever seen. Then, the weirdest thing happened, she tripped into someone, knocked down the statue we have in our lobby, which busted a hole in the wall, and we could see right into Jim’s office! Isn’t she great? Anyway, I better play it cool, but if only there was some way I could talk to her…

03/30/10 – Greg is totally pissing me off with this project. “No, you talk to the Koreans, they’re scary.” Dammit Greg, you’re the one who speaks Korean. He really needs to grab his plunger and get this job done. I saw that girl again; I think she was looking at me! Of course, I know this because I was staring at her… man, I hope she didn’t notice. She seemed really flustered… I wonder if everything is ok.

04/03/10 – So now the Koreans have announced a merger with the Bolivians, which means our lawyers need to re-divvy the laser tag teams, but what’s really important is that Samantha, or shall I say Sam 😉 was alone with me in the elevator today. I finally found out her name! She is great, but I played it cool, I didn’t want to freak her out or come on to strong. I didn’t ask her out, even though I really wanted to. I might have screwed up though, because she was in such a hurry to get off the elevator that she forgot the doors have a delay, and ran right into them. Then, she got off on the wrong floor! This girl is amazing.

04/05/10 – Today, I bit the bullet and went to talk to Sam at her desk. I was so nervous that I could only stay for about 5 minutes, but it was worth it. She is so beautiful I can barely breathe when I look at her. Ok, that sounds a little um gay? Can I call it gay? Anyway, she is SO clumsy. She must’ve knocked over five things while talking to me. So perfect. I just need to keep reminding myself to stay cool…

04/22/10 – Whew, crisis averted. Man, if I had a quarter every time our corporation is threatened with an international incident… poor Greg. The doctors say they can reattach it though so it should be fine. So I have started hanging out with Sam more, you know taking it slow, keepin chill, like I do. I noticed she hangs out with this guy Ryan a lot, I think there might be something between them… And this guy, I mean come on, classic good looks, with out being inaccessible. You know, super attractive yet also super approachable. Douche. I asked Sam and she insisted they were just friends, but you never know… maybe I should make my move.

04/25/10 – SAM SAID YES!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!! I did it! I asked her out on a date and SHE SAID YESSSSSSSSSSSS! Ah, this is the happiest day of my life! We are going to dinner on Friday and…. Oh crap, I never established how fancy to dress. Oh god oh god oh god. Ok, I’ll figure it out later, I have a couple days, maybe I can make it work. Also, firm got pillaged by Nordic Barbarians today. I really need to talk to Steve.

04/27/10 – Shit. Shit shit shit. I thought our date was going pretty well, despite the face that I came way underdressed. I mean, I went for slightly above casual and she shows up in a ball gown! I almost left in shame, but after that the date went well! She only spilled three times. Until of course she goes to the bathroom and five minutes later it’s on fire, flooding, and she is chased out by a midget. Ok, yes that does make her possibly the most interesting girl on earth, but it still sucks to get run out on… I don’t know. Maybe she didn’t actually want to leave… That’s it, I’ve decided that she’s worth it to try again.

04/30/10 – So Sam showed up today wearing a nurse’s uniform! Hilarious right? Anyway I asked her on another date and she said yes again! This time I will do it right. Full on romantics. Take her to a movie at the nice theater, then back to my place for a candle lit home cooked feast, and finally an all night monster movie marathon. Yes, you may be impressed.

05/01/10 – Frustrating day at work! First Steve was late on the conference call, which was only at 5:00am so there was no reason, and then, at lunch, he sat with Mark! Can you believe it? Steve, and Mark? Now what am I going to do when I need a satellite hijacked?

05/04/10 – UM WHAT? So, the date was going AWESOME, and I was totally making Sam laugh. We got back to my place and dinner was great so we were just talking and the moment just felt right. I went for it. I kissed her, and let me point out that she kissed me back! This kiss was great, and for a moment I thought that she might be the one. You know, the ONE. That is until we stopped kissing, and she whispered in a weird way, “This isn’t right, I’m meant to be with someone else!” and literally ran out the door. For a while I stood in shock, because it was just so sudden and weird, and then, I don’t know I just kind of lost it. Ok, I’ll admit it, I cried, only a little though. It’s just, I thought it was going so well! I was so close to maybe having a real relationship again and poof! It’s just not fair! I did everything right! I guess it was naïve of me to think Sam would be into a guy like me. She’s just way out of my league. I may have drank the entire bottle of wine.

05/12/10 – RYAN? She’s with Ryan now???? I saw it, I saw them at corner, sucking on each other’s faces like baboons. Ryan? Did it have to be Ryan? Of course it did, I knew all along. Why is life so cruel? I thought when she quit the pain would stop but it didn’t I’m a wreck. And come on, Ryan? He isn’t that handsome is he? I hope at least she’s happy…

05/25/10 –Well work was nice and horrible. Let’s just say that I caused the downfall of the wrong government. It’s a miracle I wasn’t fired, although I’ll be hearing about this from John for the rest of my life. What a prick. I hate John. Oh well that’s what I get for drinking at work.

06/03/10 – I miss Sam so much. I know we really didn’t have mush of a relationship but she was the only reason I got up int the mornnnig! I’ve beeeen hangins out at the bar a lot recentley may have had tooo mcuh to dirnk.

06/13/10 – Beer is my only friend. All I have. Lonely. So lonely. I drink away my sorrows.

06/29/10 – Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Sam. Ssssssssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

08/07/10 – Ok, soI had a rough summer. Thank God I have Steve and Jim. Who knows what might have happened had they not been there to peel me off the floor and force me to get over her? They even got me my job back! What great guys. I’m never going to let myself get that wrapped up in some girl again.

11/14/10 – So there’s this new girl at the office, and on her first day she knocked down the Russian prime minister!

Sincerely,

True Story.

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