Meta Meta Meta Meta Meta Meta Meta Meta Meta

META!

This is a meta blog post. Why is it meta? Because it is a blog post about a blog post. Specifically this blog post, by this I mean the one titled Meta Meta Meta Meta Meta Meta Meta Meta Meta Meta. It’s also a blog post not just about itself, but about writing a blog post, itself. This blog post is about writing itself. But it isn’t writing itself. I am. Writing it.

I am writing a blog post about writing a blog post, specifically the post I am writing, which is about writing itself, even though actually I am writing it. Except even though I am writing it in the present if you (the reader) are reading it in the future then I am writing in the past. In order for me to be in the past the future has to be the present, but the present is now which we’ve already decided is the past. So in the future you are reading in the present something I wrote in the past, which is the present. Because it is the present presently, although it’s the past. Of course everything I’ve written previous to this sentence is already in the past, so don’t worry about it. In fact this sentence is itself the present at the exact moment it is written which is now, this moment. But not the moment you read it, the moment I type it. From here on out it is the future. Is it nice there?

The lesson is that I am writing directly to you from the past to the future, although neither is past or future because they are both the present at the time they matter and therefore there is no past or future only the present at all times. Either that or get rid of the present. Apparently past present future is, or was will be have been a sham.

Which means that I have turned you into a time traveller. As the reader you are reading from my perspective, which is the present past, but you exist in the present present/ slash the future to my present past. You are experiencing a present that is a present in the past because it already happened by the time you are reading it, because you are reading it in the future which for you is the present. But for you through me you are in the future. To summarize, you have travelled to the past and future simultaneously, and found the present in both places.

Writing this post in the present past requires thinking, so I am presently thinking about writing a post that is about writing itself even though I am/ have written it. The act which I just committed, even though it technically exists in the future portion of this post, already occurred at the present in the past, means that this blog post is about writing a blog post which is this one which is about thinking about writing a blog post about writing itself, one of the topics in the blog post is thinking about writing a blog post about writing a blog post which is this one, the one about writing a blog post etc. It goes on forever.

An infinite loop cannot actually exist in a finite universe, yet the loop is infinite and has nothing to do with time and was written in the future present past so that it could be read in the future future present which will soon become the future future past. That last sentence’s having been read is there now. But only to you, future present man, not me, past present fiend. Regardless, this post cannot exist in the world, and therefore, does not.

Except you are reading it.

And I am definitely writing it.

So it must exist.

But it can’t.

Time travel paradox explained.

Considering that I am writing this sentence right now, and you are reading this sentence right now, yet you haven’t read this sentence yet even though you are reading it presently it is the future for the present is when I am writing it which is the past which is happening simultaneously to you reading it.

In conclusion, time is broken I think. Someone should fix that.

Sincerely,

If no one reads this most of my points are moot. In the present past future past.

Christmas is the Devil

Yep. That' s what it is.    No it’s not. However it is an excuse. And everyone knows that excuses are the devil. But now I feel bad for saying that. Sorry God. You know I didn’t mean it. Also, experience has taught me that shocking or exceedingly strange post titles gain views. I think I have a ringer here.

So, here’s my apology, internet. I’m sorry it has been so long since I’ve garnered you with my supreme wit and insight. I know you have missed me. My excuse is Christmas, more accurately, that I’m home and have nothing to do all day. Which ironically does not lend itself to blogging. Mostly because I blog when I’m supposed to be doing something else that is probably more important. When my blog becomes my most important task well… lets just say I’m a procrastinator at heart. But here I am, giving a post on my musings of Christmas and New Years, and I have all sorts of other ideas too. Some of which may or may not find their way into this post. You know how I hate to stay on topic. Which reminds me. I love comments. Good or bad I will probably respond. And make you feel special I’m sure. (Please ignore my shameless pandering) At least I’m back to not posting before midnight. Whew. This way, I know I’m creative.

Ok, I promised some actual  content, so here it is, your basic, “these are my thoughts on Christmas”. First, if you don’t celebrate Christmas, that’s great! Happy *your specific winter holiday*. Please, tell me what it is so that I can wish you a happy *insert specific holiday here* instead of just lumping it with all the other holidays. That’s just rude. Do you really thing Ramadan and Chanukah hang out? Maybe, but that’s beside the point. (I hear Ramadan is really wild) What I’m saying is, don’t take offense for being wished the wrong holiday, thank them for trying to be specific. Jeez. People are so sensitive these days. It’s like they keep a list of things that “personally offend them” and they all have a contest to see who can have the largest list. That’s why I use a 72pt font for mine. Winning, like always.

I love Christmas, it’s true. I know it may seem like I hate everything and am secretly a psychopathic genius, but that doesn’t mean I can’t love Christmas. It’s so great, and I don’t find it stressful at all. I know a lot of people do though, so here are some tips for a stress free Christmas (for next year? I guess. I hope you can remember.) The initial stressor is always gifts. People think it’s because they can’t find the right thing, but it’s because they aren’t looking for the right thing. They are looking for an awesome thing. Which is just really unrealistic. Space shuttles, explosions, naked women, drugs, Sufjan Stevens, warm underpants, and world peace are all awesome, but for various reasons don’t make for practical gifts. (I wish. mmmmmm. Explosions.) So what you should do is find the right gift. The right gift being any gift that shows you actually put some thoughts into said recipients interests. Which is actually quite easy. My brother has been successfully giving his friends fruit for years, because it’s some weird inside joke. (true story). So there, gift giving made easy.

Because it is an explosion.

Not a good gift.

 

 

The other stressor is trying to make Christmas perfect. It’s not going to be, so stop trying. Seriously. STOP. Instead, trust it. Make plans, but DON’T BE SO UPTIGHT. Let things happen. It will probably still be awesome if the turkey is done 20 minutes late and Uncle Jermaine is passed out on the floor. Draw Christmas trees on his face. It’s festive. The nice thing about Christmas is that people group up, whether planned or not. And when people get into groups awesome things happen. Look at riots. Nothing more awesome than flipping cars, then lighting everything on fire. Tell me you don’t want to have a Christmas Riot photo album. Bucket list, you have been added to. (Is that atrocious grammar? I think so. And my professors would hate all these parenthesis) So people, just be ready for Christmas to happen, and go along for the ride.

Also, I suggest serving your undercooked turkey Christmas evening, not Eve, so they get salmonella the day after Christmas, which sucks anyway.

Now to New Year’s. I didn’t have a whole lot to say about it, except that I find it exceedingly ironic that it is a holiday dedicated to poor decisions (parties) and making better ones (resolutions). It makes no sense. But that’s ok, who doesn’t love a good paradox? On that subject, I think poor decisions are awesome ones. (another paradox, yay!) Mostly because they are much more fun and make for way better stories. Except people always try to brag with those stories. And it is so annoying. Stop. Just be boring. Let better people be interesting. Like me. Awesome story though. Jerk.

Anyway, Christmas is awesome so, in your face. (Also, I’ve decide New Years might be better if I can remember it in the morning. That means no more self roofying I guess…)

Sincerely,

Dying for someone to ask me what the heck the title of this blog means. I mean seriously, how is it not killing you guys?

 

PS While my picture on my blog is super sexy, it’s much too serious. So if anyone has any ideas for a better picture (also a background for the title) please leave a comment. SERIOUSLY.

 

Disclaimer

This post is for my own sake. I made the mistake of making a post with something along the lines of real content. WHAT WAS I THINKING. Now, I feel like I need to have posts like that all the time. Well I’m not going to. So there. Instead I plan on posting a lot. Whatever is on my mind. Right now, this is on my mind. For your sake, I’m probably more entertaining without the pressure. Not that there’s pressure. I really just started this blog. No one really reads it yet. But they will. At least, I figure if I keep writing as if a lot of people read this and idolize me in their dreams it will happen someday. All I know is that if I feel too much pressure to post content, I will just stop posting. So, there is no content guarantee! Yay. It still try to be entertaining, in my own strange irreverent way. In fact, I really should probably stop blogging about blogging. Even though it’s super meta. Man, I am so cool. Also, I need to stop.

Sincerely,

Afraid of being discovered…shhhhhh.

 

PS: Expect more posts today. I have nothing to do except study. Get ready. Check often. Like 5 times an hour. You may or may not be disappointed.