You guys are so lucky. I’ve decided to start a series that is specifically dedicated to euphemisms and innuendo, two of my favorite things. I’m also a fan of irony, an ironyphile, if you will. Now, euphemisms can be difficult and tricky to understand, so this first part of the series is dedicated to understanding and recognizing them. In order to adequately explain euphemisms I’m going to begin with a common phrase, and then analyze why it is a euphemism. The one I have chosen is:
“Is that a roll of quarters in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
This euphemism does a fantastic job of showcasing all the necessary attributes of a euphemism without being too vague (for beginners). The first thing to notice is the symbolism. The key symbol here is “roll of quarters” and the descriptor is “happy to see me”. I will come back to descriptors but for now, the symbol. The question is, what does a roll of quarters represent? Well, it could represent a large amount of money, but that is unlikely, because it’s only ten dollars. (Psht. Ten bucks.) So what are the attributes of a roll of quarters? It’s wrapped in paper (sandwich?) it’s cylindrical, and it is firm. At this point, we need to apply the descriptor, and look for similarities. What has to do with being happy, as well as sharing the attributes of a roll of quarters in your pants? There are literally hundreds of things that fit that description, but this is where we apply another rule of euphemisms, they are always sexual. At this point we come up with the equation:
“roll of quarters” = “erect penis”
You can see now why a descriptor is necessary. It provides the necessary link between the actual object described, and what it symbolizes. Without the descriptor, “is that roll of quarters in you pocket” is an honest (if potentially awkward) question that does not imply and kind of sexual advance or attraction.
Now, this does very little to help one distinguish a euphemism from normal conversations. You wouldn’t want to misinterpret someone comment on large smooth cucumbers that seem like they could fit in small holes, and likewise you don’t want to ruin a possibly intimate moment by strangely commenting on how you prefer mango to kumquat this season. (That would make no sense you nit wit. Nothing beats mango.) As you can see, there is a lot of potential for confusion here. This is the trick, euphemisms don’t actually make sense. While a good euphemism isn’t impossible, it is simply too strange to be true. Take our example, yes, it is possible for someone to have a roll of quarters in his or her pocket (why is this being said about a girl?) but it’s extremely unlikely. For one, people just don’t carry change anymore. Everything is plastic. Besides, even if someone had the desire to carry around ten dollars of quarters (ridiculous in the first place) why would they keep it in the roll instead of unwrapping it? Quarters are useless in a roll, not even good for a peep-show. And why the front pocket? Clearly, no one keeps rolls of quarters in their pocket, and that is how you know that this is a euphemism.
This should give you the basic groundwork to understand euphemisms! Great. You are all set. If you have a (real) euphemism that you would like analyzed, leave a comment. Perhaps I will gather them and make it a piece of the series.
Sincerely,
I would call myself a mad genius, but I’m not particularly upset.
SIR 